Part 17 of 18 serialised by Nuance, New Straits Times
10th November 2002
Psychological effects of ‘saturation’ are common in recording sessions. It’s an odd state of mind – one in which you’ve become so close to the project, and know every wart and imperfection, that you lose perspective altogether. It is common for people suffering from saturation to think that perfectly good work is crap, or vice versa. The first sign of saturation is irritability and emotional depression. It then leads to all sorts of unpredictable behaviour, some funny, some eccentric, and others destructive. The only known cure for saturation is rest and distance. That’s precisely why many producers insist on taking a long break between recording and mixing – an option that we didn’t have due to lack of funds.
Anyway, I think I’m suffering from saturation.
See, we have one more day of mixing and I find myself both irritable and depressed. Weíre almost done with mixing. Interim verdict? 8 of the 11 songs we brought into the studio are good, but ‘Last Good Man’, ‘Hush Marianne’, and ‘Marianne Called’ remain unconvincing. In fact, ‘Marianned Called’ is so crap it is not releasable unless radical surgery is made to it.
We talked about it today. Ronan didn’t think it’s so bad while I argued for a re-mix. Result? We came very close to the only bad fight between us in all of these 5 stressful weeks. Eventually, I held back – so did he – but it was very clear we were close to losing it.
As a person, Ronan is considerate, even tempered, has good people management skills, and almost always calm under pressure. But there was no question he was rattled tonight. I don’t blame him. In all of this past weeks, he was the only one in the team who had to be alert all the time. He was the only one who couldn’t take a nap in the studio even if he was hopelessly tired. When we fought just now, he admitted to feeling burnt-out. I felt for him. But I wasn’t going to give up without a fight. I owe it the people who have shown me incredible support over the last two years. And most of all, I owe it to myself.
I guess I’m a little mule-like that way. Yes, it is late in the day. Yes, it’s been a long month. Yes, we already have most of the record in great shape. Yes, I can sit back and just let it be. Yes, I can fold now and still leave the table with more chips in my pocket than when I arrived.
But I can’t do that.
I didn’t get this far to lie down like a wet rag because we’re out of time, or out of energy, or out of money. Not when a good 30% of the record is not up to a standard I can live with. Anyway, as far as collecting life experiences go, I’d already committed that sort of spinelessness before – when Mid Century’s (my old band) debut record was released with my misgivings dripping all over it – so there is no need for collecting more of the same. Sure, the record turned out to be a modest success, but that’s not the point. Rather, the point is, I didn’t and still don’t like that record. And that sort of sentiment from the artist himself, my friends, is not acceptable. Especially not in his second life.
So I got home from today’s session tired and depressed. Strange thoughts entered my head as I laid in bed brooding. Perhaps I’ll delay the release of the record and re-record all the problematic songs? God knows how though – I don’t have the money for it. Perhaps I might be able to attract additional funding on the strength of the good stuff that is already done?
May be.
Just don’t tell me to fold.
11th November 2002
Last day of production. Ronan and I were both silent on the way to the studio. I guess the fight we had last night made us both cagey.
We got down to work immediately. After an hour or so, we finished re-mixing ‘Marianne Called’. It is still uncomfortable and tentative, but it’s closer to what I want. We then re-mixed ‘Hush Marianneí. Again, the song seemed odd, almost as though it is too ambitious for its own good. But I guess that’s the best we can do. Finally, we got to ‘Last Good Man’. After 30 minutes of trying, I put an end to it because we were obviously going nowhere. Stumped.
It was 4pm by then. We listened to everything to orientate ourselves. That the record is by and large really a good piece of work is unquestionable. It has a rich and fat sound, the songs have maintained the intimacy that marks my solo performances, and it is technically very intriguing. But my misgivings remained.
I felt worried and almost nauseous. May be I should extend the mixing sessions by one more day? But this plan went out the window when I found out the studio is booked tomorrow. Having had most of the day to recover from our argument last night, Ronan now comforted me. He said the mastering process will recover a lot of what I find wanting. But I was brought up to believe in the wisdom of ‘rubbish in rubbish out’ and can’t see how the mastering process can reverse things…
Perhaps it is really saturation I am suffering from.
My publicist Lorna came to visit by about 7pm while Ronan was making safety copies of our work. She jumped around enthusiatically when she heard some of the tracks. I sulked in a corner when I wasn’t noodling on the piano. We didn’t finish making safety copies until close to 11pm, after which we carted everything down to the 4X4 – tapes, instruments, files, electronic goodies, mics, compressors etc. Then we went for our customary post-session beer at the Green Man.
In truth, I wasn’t terribly good company. It felt strange that the production was suddenly over. It’s almost anti-climatic, especially as the record isn’t entirely what I want it to be. I brooded and knew that I will have much to think about in the weeks ahead. What do I do about those 3 songs? Do I fold or do I fight? To be frank, it’s hard to think about fighting when the kitty is dry.
Still, as far as Ronan is concerned, this is the end of the project. The bell rings and we’re out of time. He will fly back to LA in a day to produce a record for yet another musician with dreams in his eyes. We toasted our record to a beer as friends gathered to say farewell. Folks have grown very fond of Ronan in the weeks he’s been here. And in spite of my misgivings about the mix, there’s no denying that he has been great company and an absolute rock to the project. He’d not only held the thing together when it was easier to let it slide, but I believe we’ve also got the makings of a very good record indeed. Still, on this night, I’d never seen Ronan so tired. Poor guy. I will miss him.
After this, I’m going to take a week off. Rest my back. Get de-saturated. Then I’ll decide whether to keep at it or call it a day. It feels odd to end 5 intensive weeks of work this way. It’s as though we’re glad it’s over for all the wrong reasons. It smells like defeat…
We’ll see.